During the upheaval of the last year, I have made friends, and I have lost them. It's the two that I have lost that I find myself thinking about this evening. I don't lose friends easily. I like to think that I'm a good friend. I'm loyal, and generous with my time and affection. Of course, I'm also a bit needy. Or I can be.

The two friends I have lost represented very different things in my life. I find myself unable to write about one of them, but the other- well, it turns out that he wasn't really my friend- he took advantage of me in a pretty terrible way. After weeks of drama, and trauma, I finally found the strength to cut the cord. It was the first time that I have actively friendship-dumped anyone. And it was tremendously difficult. And yet, months later, I don't regret that decision at all. That person now falls into that category of "somebody that I used to know"... which, in its own way, is kind of sad. But I suppose it's also how life goes. People come and go in our lives. And in most cases, there is not an active break- more often, friendships seem to fade naturally over time. Although these days, I am loathe to let anyone go.... Tenacious, this one.

Anyway, I was going to ramble on with my treatise on friendship, but I find myself not in the mood. Time to scrounge up some food, instead...

Finding the balance

One of the goals for my time in Germany was to work on finding a proper work/life balance, something that seems to be difficult for many academics. A lot of people don't seem to realize that just because academic faculty don't have typical 9-5 jobs, and may only be physically lecturing 6-10 hours a week, it's not uncommon for us to work 60-80 hours a week (or even more). This varies throughout the year, but there's grading, lecture prep, committee work, student advising, and, of course, research and writing. In 2009-2010 when I was serving as a Visiting Assistant Professor, I worked a minimum of 10 hours a day, 7 days a week. I have a tendency toward workaholism. I always want to be the best I can be. To do the best job I can. But, as I have learned over the last year, that can pay a heavy toll on one's personal life.

...And when I got here, I was still pulling the pieces of my life back together, and I was completely unable to establish anything resembling a routine. Of course, it is difficult to have anything resembling a routine when one is constantly moving. In any case, since I have gotten back to Tubingen, I am finally establishing that routine. And while I recognize that I am living a life of academic luxury this year, as I am basically on a year of sabbatical, I am learning more and more about what I would like my life to look like. I am getting work done, but I am also having fun... I am finding the balance. ...I am lucky to be surrounded by a really great/dynamic/social group of young scholars- many of whom seem to actually have a good work/life balance, themselves (work hard, play hard- hah). I am aware I probably won't have access to the same sort social environment next year. All the more reason to take advantage of it while I can....

Things that have contributed to making this place feel comfortable/more like home (it's amazing how many of these have to do with food):

1) Finding processed/pre-sliced wheat sandwich bread that stays fresh for more than a week, allowing me to return to my usual packed sandwiches and a piece of fruit (this also saves me a ton of money).

2) Finding a toaster stuffed away in one of Helga's cabinets, allowing me to have toast for breakfast.

3) Finding tasty crunchy peanut butter to go on said toast.

4) Finding proper orange juice (although this requires trips to REWE, so I don't have it as much as I'd like).

5) Having my hammock hanging in the living room.

6) Getting the mattress topper, so that I get normal/full nights of sleep... although now I have to fight my way out of bed in the morning.

7) Being able to understand the language well enough to follow things on TV (also good language training).

8) Having a social life.

9) My Christmas ficus- no proper Christmas tree, but I've made due.

10) Having the Airport Express, so that I can have an apartment full of music (whether that is bad American pop, Christmas music, or acoustic folky-bluegrass from my limited music collection).

11) The fact that my internet phone is functioning again, meaning that I am only a (free) phone call away from many friends/family in the US.

Although I am going home for two weeks over the holidays (a trip I am looking forward to a lot!), I am also looking forward to settling in here for the winter. Hopefully it will be a happy and productive season- I certainly have a lot to do!